My co worker’s mother died a few days ago. Some of us from work went to the wake. Jill’s mother looked beautiful, laid out in the casket, in a smart red suit. Her beloved Jelly beans and a deck of cards were tucked in beside her.
Jill’s mother was 95 when she died, in Jill’s house, where they had been living together for years. Jill was by her side when she passed. Jill’s daughter was there too. It was a “good death”, if such a thing can be good.
Of course, seeing Jill and her mother brought back a lot of feelings about my own mother’s death.
I was there near the end, with Mom, but not at the end. Mom was in hospice. I was not really a welcome visitor in my mother’s room. I did not go to Mom’s memorial service. I did not view her body. She was cremated immediately. I longed for one last look, but it was not to be.
I had no choices regarding Mom’s care, her service or her remains. I am her firstborn, and natural next of kin, but adoption erased all that. I was merely an unwelcome stranger.
Someday I may bury my adoptive mother. I’ll be the next of kin. As an only child, I’ll make all the decisions. But, she is not my mother. My mother is dead.
The world is a wonderful place. I’m glad that I’m here. My husband and children bring me great joy and happiness.
We just returned from a road trip, from New York to Orlando, Florida. 6 of us in my 10-year-old minivan. She preformed like a champion! Smooth, no breakdowns or problems at all. We rented a house, and toured the theme parks. 6 adults. I was tired, but happy.
I’m still adopted, of course. That hurts all the time, but travelling helps. As long as I keep moving, I don’t think about things so much. Now that I’m back, so are the thoughts.
Being with my children is so great. I cannot imagine not wanting to know them. I can’t understand my father’s thinking. How can you have a child, and grandchildren out there in the world, and not want to see them, ever? It makes no sense to me.
How can you decide some of your children are worth knowing, but one is not? I wish someone could explain it to me. My father will not. Are there any readers out there who have done this to one of their children, and can explain the reasoning behind it?
Why the whole family shunning me? I understand it’s to support my father, but don’t I deserve love and support as well? Am I some sort of sub-human, because of my adoption? Please, explain, if you can. I would love to understand, but the ones who’ve done this will not talk to me.