September 13, 2017
I can’t believe it’s almost 7 years since I found my family. It hurts so much to know that you are all out there, and I am so alone.
It’s been over 2 years since my mother died, and I haven’t heard a word from my family. I don’t think anyone can imagine how bad that feels. It’s a terrible curse to have a family, but not be part of it.
The last family member I heard from was my cousin W. She told me that the entire family decided that it was best not to have any contact with me. Best for who? I asked, but there was no answer. It’s not best for me, so I guess it must be best for the rest of you.
It was best to give me away as a newborn, and best to shun me as an adult. But, never, ever best for me. Best for me would have been to live and grow up with my family, and best for me would have my family accept and love me as I am. I will never get that. What’s best for me is not very important to my family.
I still live with the pain of being cast out. It does not get better.
I did not attend my mother’s memorial. My brother kicked me out of hospice on her last day. He asked when he got to be alone with his mother. I guess his whole life was not enough for him.
My mother and her friends hated me, so I thought it best to stay away from the memorial. I never saw my brother, John after he kicked me out of hospice.
You are the one with the mystery illness, but my mother was the one who died. Life’s funny like that.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know how much being abandoned, and shunned hurts. I’m pretty sure you don’t care, since you always do what’s best for you. And never, ever what’s best for me.