The world is a wonderful place. I’m glad that I’m here. My husband and children bring me great joy and happiness.
We just returned from a road trip, from New York to Orlando, Florida. 6 of us in my 10-year-old minivan. She preformed like a champion! Smooth, no breakdowns or problems at all. We rented a house, and toured the theme parks. 6 adults. I was tired, but happy.
I’m still adopted, of course. That hurts all the time, but travelling helps. As long as I keep moving, I don’t think about things so much. Now that I’m back, so are the thoughts.
Being with my children is so great. I cannot imagine not wanting to know them. I can’t understand my father’s thinking. How can you have a child, and grandchildren out there in the world, and not want to see them, ever? It makes no sense to me.
How can you decide some of your children are worth knowing, but one is not? I wish someone could explain it to me. My father will not. Are there any readers out there who have done this to one of their children, and can explain the reasoning behind it?
Why the whole family shunning me? I understand it’s to support my father, but don’t I deserve love and support as well? Am I some sort of sub-human, because of my adoption? Please, explain, if you can. I would love to understand, but the ones who’ve done this will not talk to me.
Marylee's Dream 
I met my father when I was thirty years old. He had signed my adoption papers when I was ten years old and moved on with his life. I don’t remember him being in my life previous to my adoption. He got married and had another daughter. That wife died, so he married another woman that had three daughters in which he helped raise. In the meantime, he and his family pretended that I didn’t exist. I was a secret that his other daughters were unaware of. It is very difficult for me to understand. My husband’s father has never acknowledged him either, although he wasn’t adopted. I found his grandmothers’s obituary by chance, and it mentioned all of her family except for him or his three children, her great-grand children. It’s painful to know that family can be so cold hearted, that they can erase what is part of them so easily..
I wish someone could tell me why they do this. What drives them to forget some of their children, and care for others. The people who do this don’t want to talk about it.
I’d like an honest answer from my father, even if it’s, “I didn’t like your mother that much. I just liked to have sex with her, and you were an inconvenience, so I dumped both of you. I did continue to have sex with your mother, but you were of no use to me”. At least it would answer some of my questions!
They don’t want to talk about it because then they would have to face the terrible truth of what they have done. My father portrayed my mother as a crazy person, and yet she was suitable enough to have sex with, and I was the result of that action. It made it easy for him to just pretend that I did not exist. I mailed him Christmas cards for several years before his current wife finally contacted me. I wasn’t going to let him forget about me. As painful as all of it is, I am satisfied knowing the truth, even though he would never admit it. Best wishes to you Marylee
I really think it was the era. It’s hard for anyone who didn’t live through the 60’s to understand, but culture and societal demands were such that babies born to single mothers or unmarried couples were snatched up by adoption agencies which did unethical things and used coercion and lies to persuade mothers to relinquish their babies. Mothers were told never to try to find their babies and fathers weren’t even acknowledged by many adoption agencies nor were their names on the original birth certificates. All this had an effect on parents such that they believed that ever finding their children was a hopeless idea, not to mention the unworthiness they felt. You may be aware of all this but if not, I hope that it helps to shed some light on why they seem so distant.
My mother was “crazy” too. Amazing how similar some of our stories are.
Your site is very instructive. You did a beautiful job of creating it. Some people opt for therapy in order to figure out their feelings. For many of us, therapy does not work; sometimes “therapy” harms. We are helped by writing about our experiences and feelings. We own our self-therapy; we are in charge. Oftentimes, we have listened to others in the distant past (so-called experts) and there is where our problems began.
I know it’s been a while since you posted this but I just wanted to comment that you are not less than your birth family. You are giving your father a lot of power that he really doesn’t have. It could be that the BSE that they were a part of, had caused them to feel forbidden of finding you or talking about you and after years of
not acknowledging you, now they are afraid to do just that. That doesn’t excuse their behavior at all and you are very courageous to face it all head on. Many biological family members related to an adoptee act like yours have acted. I’ve had friends and family members that don’t seem to know what to say when I try to talk to them about finding my son. They look uncomfortable & then change the conversation. We are among the lucky ones in a way to be able to see the real side of adoption. Those who refuse to acknowledge family members with the respect and acceptance that they deserve still have their heads in the sand. You may be better just going your own way. I liked what you said about traveling. Anything that can rescue us out of the mental and emotional quagmire that adoption can cause sounds great!
Thank you for all of your thoughtful comments. I know natural mothers suffer just like adoptees do. I’m sorry for all of you losses.