Well, I made a big boo boo. I showed my blog to a bio family member. It did not go well. All they saw was anger and hatred, on my part. Nothing at all of the pain that I’ve gone through. They told me, repeatedly that I was harboring hatred, and that I hated my entire bio family. I do not. I don’t even know my entire bio family! ( that’s a joke) I do know that they haven’t lived up to my expectations, but then again, I haven’t lived up to theirs either.
ISA, Infant Stranger Adoption changes everything about a family. It removes a child, like surgery, and the wound that removal causes heals. Scar tissue forms. Life goes on. When that person finds their family, no one knows what to do. There is fear, a lot of fear, on both sides. Here are my mother, father, brothers sisters, aunts Uncles and cousins. but they are all strangers. And I’m a stranger to them.
I wanted them to treat me as if I had been kidnapped, and finally found alive. I wanted them to fuss over me, show me off, invite me over.
But, with ISA, there is also shame. A kidnap is not voluntary, ISA is. My parents made a decision to give me to strangers. It was not random. I was not taken. There is guilt involved.
When I blog, there is usually a reason, a trigger. I don’t do it that often. The trigger is usually negative, something that made me feel hurt, and I use my blog as a way to get over it, to get it out of my system. So, most of my blog posts are angry, or hurt, or mostly both.
That does not mean that I am angry all the time. I’m just not. I actually have a real life, full of good things. I guess if you read my blog, that may not show. My blog was written over years, but reading it all at once may be overwhelming, especially to someone who has lived a happy life.
Letting my family read it was a very bad idea. They think I’m bad enough already.