One year ago I found out that my mother was dying. I can’t sleep, and I’m filled with anger and thoughts of my family again. I checked them out on facebook, again. I found out that my Aunt Susan has retired after 41 years of teaching art in the public schools. I found out that my half brother is becoming an uncle, again. I see their lives, 5 years after I found them. I see my father, wishing everyone a Happy 4th of July, adding that he’s feeling “happy”.
He told me he was ill and miserable, and not up to contacting anyone. This was a few years ago. I guess he’s recovered,while my healthy mother has died. I smell a rat.
Will I ever be able to accept that I will never be part of their lives? I don’t see how. Every thing I see reminds me of my loss, and how much I long for a connection that I am forever denied.
At times like these, nothing seems to help. I hope this passes soon.