I’ve been following a post on this website:
It’s about a woman who finds her family. So many people have critical comments about it, saying that the woman should honor her adoptive parents more, and that she is somehow disrespecting or belittling them by loving her mother and family.
This kind of thinking seems so wrong to me. Why aren’t we allowed to love our mothers, like the rest of humankind? Why are we held apart from this right?
They say it’s because our mothers gave us away, so we should not love them anymore, and also not be mad at them for the wonderful thing they did to us, all wile thanking our adoptive parents for rescuing us from the gutter, or death, or worse!
An awful lot for an orphan to handle, don’t you think? And the criticism for searching and loving is harsh and punishing. No wonder we rarely speak out.
What does this behavior say about open adoption, the wonderful change that made adoption great for everyone? If you are maligned for searching for your family, what are you if you love your mother in an open adoption with another family? We are supposed to hide our love for our mothers, out of loyalty to the ones who bought us,and paid for our childhoods.
My dear husband, not adopted explained it this way. What if you had a mother, and you loved her and suddenly someone came and told you you had to live with another family, and another woman would be your mother now. They tell you you will forget all about the other mother, and you won’t see or think about her anymore. How would you feel?
Well, that’s just how I feel about my mother. Just exactly that way. By this I mean my real mother, the one who gave me life, and who I never stopped loving.