2014

Published October 25, 2013 by maryleesdream

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I’ve been communicating with my mother a little bit.  It hasn’t been very good for me.

I’ve been taking medication, Celexa for about 2 months now.  I went to the emergency room, in the middle of the work day, because I just couldn’t stand the pain anymore.  The medication makes me care less about things.  It also took away my desire to write.  It just doesn’t flow out of me like it used to.  My husband says it’s better, because I’m in less pain, but I think I lost something.

I sent Mom a magnet I bought in the city.  It depicted a young 50’s style mother feeding a baby in a high chair, and the caption was “I’m sorry, we’re f***ked”.  I thought she would appreciate it, because we were both f***ked by the adoption industry.  She’s not upset by 4 letter words.

Well, she didn’t seem to like the magnet.  She sent me a card saying that I might be f**ked, but she is not.  She added, “wake up and smell the coffee” and “I ask you again, Who are you?” She included some pages from a magazine she reads called The Science of Mind.  She’s into a lot of new age spiritual stuff.  She tries to get me into it too, but I really don’t agree with most of the teachings.

She told me feeling f**ked was not an option for her anymore, because of the teachings of “The Power of Now”.  She lives in the now, and if I have problems, they are my business.  She cannot help me.

I told her I was happy that she was healed, but that I’m not there yet.  I asked if we could start communicating again, because I miss her, and miss getting to know her.  I told her my problems were different than hers, and that I have to heal my own way, on my own time.  I asked her to be patient with me.

Her response was this, “Maybe 2014 will be better”.  Not exactly what I wanted to hear.  It’s more of the same, I’ll talk to you in the future.  A time that will never really come.

This is how she has to deal with what happened to us.

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6 comments on “2014

  • Denial and ignorance can cut so deep. I’m truly sorry for your hurt. For what it’s worth at this stage of the game, know that you’re not alone.

    I also took Celexa while I was reeling from my mother’s rejection. It helped to keep me from falling through the cracks as I went through the motions of life. I also went to therapy at the same time. I remember feeling like I could not cry. I wanted to, but the tears never came. My emotions seemed farther away. I ended up slowly cutting down my dosage by cutting my pills in half, then stopped all together after about six months or so.

    Looking for understanding of my pain from my biological mother was like shopping for milk in a hardware store. I’ll never forget the look of shock on her face as she said, “you mean, you didn’t like being adopted?” Then I tried to give her a book about other birthmother’s sharing their stories and she said she couldn’t read any more of it because it made her feel “icky.”

    Keep on writing…

  • I’m so sorry your mother can’t think beyond her own issues. Heartbreaking 😦

    The flip side for me was asking my son over and over for about two weeks after our first meeting in over twenty years if he was hurting or in pain due to our meeting. I guess he got sick of me asking -I could think of nothing else because I did read adoptee blogs- so he finally responded with, “YOU have NEVER caused me pain.” I’m so proud of him but have no way to tell him because I’m an abandoner/intruder; he stopped speaking to me over two years ago.

  • I’m sorry for your situation; it sounds like you got a bum rap all around – adoptive parents and biological parents. But, it seems as if your husband and children are supportive, so yea for that! I’m sure the last thing you want is advice from a stranger, but it seems like you are never going to get what you need and, frankly, deserve, from your biological family. And, it sounds like they don’t really know you, so what they are rejecting is not actually you but rather their own involvement, guilt, and pain – they are really rejecting themselves, not you (even if it doesn’t feel that way, and I know you are hurting from it). And again, I’m sorry for your pain. BTW: I found the name of your blog kind of ironic in a personal way since one of my biological siblings has said the same thing to me – she totally feels I got the better deal and wishes she were part of my adoptive family. I did luck out with the family I got (I hope that’s okay to say), but still, I think my bio-sibling, while a really sweet person, has no idea about the impact of adoption. In my experience it is very, very hard for anyone who is not actually the adoptee to understand.

    (And, this is totally off topic, but why do you have a pro-fracking add on your site??? Do you know that that is the ADD playing? The environmental impact to both nature and people is huge. Cancer has shot way up in areas that have it, and the true impact is only just starting now. Totally all about profits over people. Though maybe you put it there as some sort of statement on your adoption???)

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