I suspended my facebook account again. I saw too many things that hurt me, again. I found out my Dear Auntie is coming to New York City with her son, my cousin. I live nearby, but haven’t heard a word from her. I don’t want to jump to conclusions, so I’m hoping I get to see her. I don’t want to reach out though.
I saw my half brother, my mother’s kept son receive loving birthday wishes from his father’s family. His father’s family choose to help raise him. My father’s family did not. I know my mother wished him Happy Birthday too. My parents and their families did not acknowledge my 50th birthday in any way, excluding my Dear Auntie.
I saw my that my young, newly married cousin is thinking of starting a family, and looking to buy a house. I saw the encouraging messages his family sent him. I’ve seen him once, met him, never.
My family does not think I am a member of their family, because my father choose to give me up for adoption. This means that we are not related anymore, in their eyes. There is no reason for them to consider me at all when planning family events. I am a non-person to them.
In my heart, I am my father’s and mother’s child, and that’s it. I don’t know why they don’t feel the same about me. For them, blood is enough. They would never turn their backs on each other. They may have squabbles, but love overrides all. Because my parents gave me up for adoption, blood is not enough for me. I’m not automatically acceptable. I don’t make the family cut.